Not Me! Monday

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I do NOT have a shirt that my husband now refers to as "The Pee Shirt." Nope. That's not normal at all and my family is all about normal! *sigh* Here's what happened: On Tuesday my 21 month old son got into a Motherhood Maternity bag and took out a red shirt and the receipt. He placed both into the downstairs toilet. Okay, he's 21 months old, I'll forgive him. He got a stern "No!" and we went on with our day (okay, that's not exactly true, we went on with our day about 10 minutes later when he finished his pity party for me telling him no). I washed and dried the shirt, but I failed to put it away. Forward to the next day: My 4 year old son walked into the laundry room and picked up a shirt seemingly at random then threw it in the downstairs toilet. Guess what shirt? Yup, the red Motherhood Maternity shirt. He got a time out for his troubles. I called my husband at work because this story was too unrealistic to be true and instead of sympathy that I now had to wash my brand new shirt for the second time before I had ever warn it, I got hysterical laughter. He claims I was overreacting because of pregnancy hormones. Not me! I never overreact to anything! Oh, still not finished, I wore said shirt on Thursday or Friday (can't remember, that is the pregnancy hormones!) and he REFUSED to hug me when he got home from work and said "Eww, that's "The Pee Shirt," I can't hug you when you're wearing that!"

I did not allow my husband to send the kids to their beds for naptime about 10 minutes early yesterday because he didn't want to share his Mac & Cheese with them! Nope! We would NEVER deprive our children of that delicious process cheese pasta. Not us! (Oh, he CLAIMS it's because he wanted to watch the football game, but we all know the REAL reason, right?)

I did NOT threaten to kick my OB-GYN in the head today! Not Me! When he walked into the examination room today and saw that my chart said the ultrasound showed another boy, he immediately asked me if I was ready to break the 11 pound mark! I then said if he mentioned anything evil like that again I would kick him in the head! I guess I should explain that an 11 pound child is a complete possibility for me. Both of my boys were induced 1 week early (still a normal delivery, but pitocined up!) and my oldest was 9 lbs 4 oz and my younger was 10 lbs 4 oz. So, he deserved the threat!

My husband did NOT send me back to bed to take a nap with the boys after we got their picture taken on Saturday saying that it was for the betterment of the world that I sleep. He somehow thought that poor, innocent, perfect little me was in a bad mood and he forced me to go back to bed. He actually even let me sleep longer than the boys by about 1 1/2 hours! (I must have been in a REALLY bad mood!) Not me! I'm never in a bad mood! I am motherhood and wifehood perfection!

I did not have to FORCE myself to stay awake to watch Bones on Thursday. It's an 8 o'clock show! I'm not anywhere near THAT old! Not me!

I think that's all I'm going to allow you to read this week. I'll just keep the shaving cream incident, the toothpaste AGAIN incident and my unfounded irrational fear of the sewer and a specific toilet while I'm wearing a certain red shirt to myself this week! I don't need anyone calling child services on me! :)

Be sure to come back to my site on Thursday and join us in our Thankful Thursdays! It's kind like Not Me! Monday, but when you're finished you're a lot less embarrassed!

Not Me! Monday

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I did not hide from my faithful blog readers my pregnancy for the first 21 weeks! Not me! I'm an open book and I tell EVERYTHING! (It's a boy, if you didn't see the announcement, pray for me because that makes a 4, 2 and newborn: ALL BOYS!)

I do not have to go buy primer to use before we can FINALLY (yes, we finally picked out a color, I think. . . ) paint because there are currently 11 different shades of beige/brown on our wall. Nope. Who in their right mind would need that many different shades of paint on the wall before they make a decision? Definitely not me!

Okay, this is a big one, I don't EVER watch The Wendy Williams Show. Nope. I usually work on my blog while the boys are taking their nap, which happens to be around 2 in the afternoon, which leaves me with the choices of watching Soap Operas or The Wendy Williams Show. I feel as though, if I actually were to be watching such trash on TV, that I am choosing the lesser of 2 evils. Right?!?! Ugh. I need to reevaluate my life. . .

I did not send my husband out to Kroger last night before we went to bed because I forgot to buy extra papers. Nope. I ALWAYS remember to buy my extra papers (for the coupons!). I mean, I have a blog about saving money and using coupons to your advantage, how on earth could I FORGET to buy my papers? (Thanks, honey!)

We did not take our kids to King's Island this weekend. Nope. Our 4 year old son still isn't going poopy in the potty consistantly (Ugh, don't get me started: he "likes" to go poopy in his pants! Grr!). We told him if he wanted to go to King's Island he had to go poopy in the potty. Well, he went in the potty 2 times this week. On Friday he actually went in his pants 3 times! So anyway, we get to King's Island and he is very confused. He was asking us why he was there because he went poopy in his pants. Then he wanted to know if he was allowed to ride the rides. Ugh. So much for making punishments and rewards that we can stick with! I guess the highlight is that he very clearly understood that he wasn't supposed to be at King's Island. Oh well. Wait! I forgot! This is Not Me! Monday! None of this happened! Oh good, I feel so much better! :)

Not Me! Monday

Check out things that no one else did on MckMama!

Hmm, what to say this week. . .

I did not force my husband to cook every evening this week after working all day long. Nope. I got up off the couch, even though I had a cold (thanks to my 1 year old!) to make a healthy, nutritious dinner for my men. Every day. Even when I was coughing so hard I thought I might never breathe again. I would never make my husband do MORE work after he got home from work. Not me!

Oh, here's a good one! I did not have to get up this morning only to have my 4 year old son remember that he actually poopied in the potty yesterday right before bed (YEA!!! It's been like 2 months since he stopped doing that!!) and have to run around to fulfill all of the things we promised him if he did. I had to get him a chocolate pop tart, chocolate milk, daddy's cereal (Rice Krispies), his special NEW underwear, a Halloween shirt, let him watch a cartoon of his choosing while he ate breakfast (remember: we NEVER let our children watch TV and where he got the idea of watching TV while eating is beyond me, umm, can lightening strike me through the computer or should I just be avoiding windows?) and even attempt to explain to him that we could not go to King's Island TODAY because they are only open on the weekends now. (We have season passes, it wasn't THAT big of a promise!) I had about 40 minutes between the time he woke up and when his bus came to fulfill everything! I'm sure he will have remembered more stuff I "owe" him when he gets home from school! But, my thinking is, if he's going to go in the potty again, I don't care! Oh, which brings me to my next Not Me: I don't bribe my kids for good behavior. Nope, never! Definitely not me!

I did not attempt to cheat on our budget this week by going to Panera to get Broccoli Cheddar Soup in a Sourdough Bread Bowl (doesn't that just sound delicious?). Nope, I stick to our budget tight and never cheat. Okay, I was driving past Panera and got this HUGE craving, you have to understand that I LOVE Panera and my husband doesn't like it at all, so it's not really an option when we do go out to eat. So, anyway, I went into the store to totally cheat on our budget and ordered the soup in a bread bowl. The lady looked at me like I had lost my mind and said "We run out of bread bowls at 5:30 everyday, they are long gone." Umm, it was 6. And another thing, they are open until 9, why on earth, if they KNOW they run out at 5:30 everyday, don't they make more! So, I was so sad when I left empty handed, but on track budgetwise. I couldn't tell my hubby (okay, he'll know now. . . ) so I called my BFF and told her and she agreed with me: "Panera needs to make more bread bowls!" or at least that specific Panera, I've never heard of that before and I've been at other Paneras when they closed and people were still getting bread bowls, so maybe it's just that one, but I was sad that my attempts to cheat were thwarted by a lack of bread bowls. (*sigh*, I still want some)

Not Me! Monday

Check out things that no one else did on MckMama!

I'm always torn when I post my Not Me! Mondays. I want to tell you amusing stories that let you see into a little window of my life, but I don't want to scare you away with all of the craziness that seems to happen in my house! I'm trying to walk a fine line here. . .

I do not currently have 6 different shades of beige painted in splotches on my living room wall. Ugh. Nope. I was decisive. I went to the store and I picked out the perfect shade the first time and we painted that very weekend! I think we're getting close though, maybe. . .

I recently did not take my children to the drive-thru at Wendy's. (I would never feed my precious off spring processed chicken nuggets and unhealthy fries.) Upon handing the '1st window' guy my money, he did not ask me "Umm, do you want your change back?" Startled I replied, "Yes, I do," only to hear his response of "Oh, some people don't want it back so I get to keep it." Uh, did that conversation really happen? 1. Did he really ask me that? 2. Did he really tell me he pockets people's money? No, definitely did not happen to me!

I did not line jump at King's Island this weekend. Nope, not me! And my best friend did not enable said line jumping by calling me first to see if I was already in line so she could jump in with me! Okay, there was a deal this weekend only at King's Island that current season pass holders could renew their passes for the 2010 season for basically $20 off the regular price plus get free parking all season. So, everyone and their brother was in line to get their passes renewed. The line was like 2 hours long! I don't wait in lines that long to RIDE the rides, let alone to buy a pass! So, when I got there, I called her back and jumped in front of tons of people by standing in line with her family. Sorry everyone I skipped in front of! Wait! I didn't do it, so I don't need to apologize, right?!?!

After telling my son to pick up his toys he did not look at me and say "Sorry about your luck, Mommy, I'm watching my show." Okay, first of all, as I've covered before, I do not let my children watch that brain-draining TV and second of all, my 4 year old son would NEVER say my favorite, rude, slightly mocking, didn't know I used it that much around him, phrase. Not me! Not my son! Ugh, I occasionally think that instead of saving for his college education, I would be better preparing him if I just started a fund to pay for his therapy sessions. . .

Okay, I think that's enough of a view into my family for this week. Hopefully next week's stories will involve how perfect my boys were and how I was a devoted house wife and kept the house spotless while preparing gourmet meals for my family, but who are we kidding? Not me!

Not Me! Monday

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I do not currently, nor have I ever, have a pack-n-play full of clean clothes in my bedroom. It would not be there depressing me every time I look at it, because I do not HATE putting clean clothes away. Nope, everything in my house goes straight from the dryer to the closet or dresser that it belongs to.

I did not make cinnamon rolls while my boys were sleeping so I didn't have to share them with the kids! My husband and I did not sit in bed eating warm cinnamon rolls and watching TV before we went to sleep. I would never deny my children one of their favorite junk foods!

I did not pick out the colors that I wanted to paint the downstairs (all 4 colors) only to have my husband put a large splotch on the walls and discover that I HATED all 4 colors. Ugh. Now, not only do I not know what colors I want to put on the walls, I now HAVE to pick out colors because my walls have huge splotches of random colors on them. Any interior decorators willing to come and pick out colors and paint my house for free out there? I'll cook for you! I'm good at that!

That's enough for this week. House is on and I have to get my fix, I mean, I never watch TV, it's not good for your brain!

Not Me! Monday

MckMama decided to switch it up and bit this week and instead of Not Me! Monday, it's actually Not My Kids! Monday! Oh, do I have stories for you. . .

While taking a shower this past week my 3 year old did NOT squeeze almost an entire tube of Aqua Fresh Toothpaste on the carpet and rub it in with a toothbrush. Uh-huh. I noticed something was amiss when my living room smelled minty fresh! (For the record, he also didn't say he the reason he did such a thing was that he was "building a castle.")

During the SAME SHOWER he did not ALSO get every loaf of bread, bag of buns and any other kind of bread-type food and dump them all over the dining room floor! Oh no, not my innocent son! He would NEVER do something like that!

The same nearly 4 year old boy (next month! oh how time flies!) is NOT back in pull-ups because he REFUSES to . . . umm. . . make "stinkies" in the potty. Nope, my son has been wearing underwear for MONTHS and would never just decide to stop using the bathroom! He is TOTALLY not stubborn enough to continue do that no matter what we would take away from him! NO! NEVER! Not my child! (ugh)

Okay, since my younger son is really too young to have any stories about him, I'll continue on with stories of my eldest: (this is one of my very first "I know I'm in big trouble with this one" moments. . . there are so many. . . ) When he was about 1 year old, my son was throwing toys out of the toy box, I told him to stop throwing the all of the toys out of the toy box or I would put the lid on the box and he'd go to time out, he DID NOT then (while staring at me the entire time with a "what are you going to do about it mom" look on his face) slowly pick up toys and casually SIT them on the ground. All of them. 1 at a time. Nope, not my son.

I could continue, but at some point I'm scared this list will make me look like a horrible parent who can't control her creative, strong-willed, way to smart son, I mean, well behavied, quiet, patient son, so I think I'll stop now. But, welcome to the view into the tiny window of my day to day life. There is NEVER a dull moment with Drew around!

Not Me! Monday

Be sure to check out with everyone else did not do at My Charming Kids!

I did not force my entire family to dress up as cows on Friday to get a FREE dinner at Chick-fil-A! Okay, I admit it, I did and it was totally fun! There was a guy there who made a cow head out of a milk jug! I'm going to have to work on that for next year's Cow Appreciation Day! But I was a good mom and I made my boys eat their chicken nuggets and not just the waffle fries! I mean, I LOVE their chicken nuggets, why would I be okay with the boys eating fries for just one meal so I could share the nuggets with my husband, RIGHT?!?!

Okay, this one I admit to, but it was so out of character for me, my husband did not believe I actually did it, so it's making it into my Not Me! Monday! I actually reported a shoplifter at Kroger yesterday! Okay, I was looking though the papers to make sure the coupons were all there and this lady walked up and started taking out all of the coupon inserts and complaining that some of them were missing. I was like "are you just taking the inserts?" And she was like "yeah, just like you are!" Okay, that set me off!! I BUY my papers for the extra coupons, I DO NOT STEAL!! So I found a manager for Kroger and told her about it, she dropped what she was doing and RAN to find the lady saying they had been trying to catch her for weeks! VERY long story short, she didn't get the inserts (YEA!) and she accused me of stealing! I offered my papers for the manger to inspect without a guilty bone in my body and was proved innocent, but I was so mad I was actually visibly shaking! (Oh, and a male cashier walked me to my van because we were scared she was waiting for me in the parking lot!) DO NOT give couponers a bad rep in front of me, because you will go down!!! (hee hee hee)

Okay, looks like it's a short Not Me! Monday, but I'm still tired from yesterdays through down at Kroger! I'll have to save some for next week as I'm planning on being a great wife and mother this week and will accumulate no topics for this post next Monday (yeah, right!) See you next week!

Not Me! Monday

Check out what everyone else did not do on My Charming Kids!

I did not let my kids sleep through fireworks on Saturday because they were so tired I didn't want to wake them up. I was a good Mommy and I let them stay up and watch the fireworks like every other normal parent in the country. I would never actually say: "They don't know what today is, they don't know what they are missing, just let them sleep."

We did not pacify our children while we were on vacation by letting them get in bed with me in the morning and eat graham crackers while watching Veggie Tales and my husband did not go and sleep in my son's bed. (In our defense, we were staying in a cabin with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law and my niece, none of whom think 6 am is a good time to wake up!)

I did not drive 30 minutes away from my house to make a bunch of returns only to find out that I did not have the credit card that I purchased the items on with me and was unable to make any returns. I am not still bitter about this. (Grr!)

I did NOT go back to Kroger and get more fruit snacks after last weeks Not Me! Monday post. I am not addicted to good deals. Okay, the sale is over, I will not be buying any more, for at least 6 months or so, hopefully. . .

When I went to Dairy Queen on July 4th, I did not request the the lady make my Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard with mostly Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and very little ice cream. She DID NOT actually do this and it WAS NOT the BEST BLIZZARD I had ever eaten! (It makes me drool just thinking about it!) Oh, and I did not gain at least 5 pounds immediately after eating said non-existent Blizzard.

Not Me! Monday

Check out things that no one else did on My Charming Kids!

Okay, I haven't been able to participate in a while, so you can just check out this post for an entire day I would like to claim never happened! It was my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!

I did not buy 20 boxes of fruit snacks at Kroger this week. Nope. No family could ever feed that many boxes of fruit snacks to their children because they are NOT really healthy like actual fruit! I ALWAYS give my kids fruit and NEVER give them fruit snacks, so there is no way I would buy 20 boxes! Nope, not me.

I did not let me boys skip nap time yesterday because my inlaws were surprisingly in town. No naps= grumpy boys, so I definitely put them down for their nap instead of going out shopping with the inlaws.

I am most definitely not sitting here writing my Not Me Monday! when I should be cleaning the house and packing for our 4th of July family vacation. Nope. My house is always clean. I never need to worry about people showing up at my front door without calling first because my house is ALWAYS spotless. I never have to step on clothes, toys, sippy cups and empty plastic plates and bowls to get anywhere in the house. All of those things are clean and in their proper place. Right? RIGHT?!?! Ugh. . .

I have NOT lived in my house for 4 years now and left the walls "renter's beige." No way! I was one of those organized, creative people who painted every room in the house (including Drew's room, because I was preggers with him when we bought the house) BEFORE we moved in. Uh-huh. We have a lively, colorful house and not a house that could be confused with a dorm room. Yep. Okay, okay, okay, my friend is coming over tomorrow to help me decide what colors I should use. Have I mentioned that growing up in parsonages meant that I NEVER got to pick colors for a house so I have NO IDEA what would look good? Oh, and I've never painted a wall either. This should be interesting. . . This "renter's beige" is sounding better and better. . .

I have NOT started keeping a baggy of animal crackers and a sippy cup full of water by my bed to give to my oldest in the morning. It has nothing to do with the fact that he gets up at 6 am and mommy wants to sleep. I DO NOT turn on a cartoon and give him the baggy and cup to let him eat while he zones on cartoons so mommy can get another 30 or more minutes of sleep. Nope. Not me! My kids don't even watch TV! And I get up every morning to make him a healthy, nourishing breakfast. I would NEVER let him eat animal crackers for breakfast! (Note to self- remember to brush the crumbs off of my husband's side of the bed before he notices them.)

Okay, I'm going to stop now. It's not that I don't have any more Not Me's! It's just that I'm starting to get embarrassed!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to another edition of Not Me! Monday. Check out My Charming Kids to see many, many more blogs participating!

Let's see, what did I do, I mean, NOT do this week. . . Hmmm. . . Okay, here we go!

I did not refuse to let my son get a sucker at the bank last Friday. Wait, let me back up and tell you the WHOLE story. I was having a yard sale on Saturday, so I stopped at the bank to pick up some change. I rarely ever need to actually go inside a bank, so this was new to the boys. I pulled in the parking lot and turned off the van. I turned to face Drew and Blake and I told them that I wanted them to stay right beside me, there was to be no running around, no yelling and no going away from my side. I told them that if I asked them to sit down they were to sit by my feet. So, we go in the bank and Drew starts yelling and running around (I was sooooo embarrassed!) and I remind him that he will not get a sucker unless he calms down. Okay, long story shorter, he does not calm down and when we go to leave the teller (who told me she has 3 boys) offers the boys suckers. I say "We only need 1, please" because Blake has been good and Drew has been so very far opposite of that word! She then proceeds to tell Drew that he can have one too! Umm, NO!! So, I drag a screaming Drew out of the bank while holding Jacob, who also wanted a sucker, but is too young and following along is Blake, happily sucking on his. I turn around to tell Blake to hurry up while I'm holding the door open, only to glance at the tellers talking about what a horrible person I am. Ugh. What's a mother to do? Oh, wait, this didn't really happen! I would NEVER deprive my child of candy no matter how bad his behavior is! I am a model mother and children deserve candy at all times! Oh, good, it's all okay now!

I did not have the only crying child at his preschool graduation last week! Nope, there is no way that Drew was the only kid crying and not participating in the songs. He was adorable while he sang along with the other kids to 'The Wheels on the Bus' and 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' and danced the Chicken Dance. There is no way that the little girl next to him was trying to show him how to do the motions trying to comfort him. Nope, not my kid!

Okay, I have so many more Not Me! ideas, but I also have to get some stuff done around the house today! I think my husband would not appreciate it if I typed all day long (because I actually think I could. . . it's been a rough week!) so I'm going to get to work now! (Also because I know that one day Drew is going to read this blog and I want him to know that I love him! He's a really active, spirited child and I never know what each day will bring, but I love him very much and I can't imagine my life without him!)

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! Check out My Charming Kids to see hundreds of other people who "didn't do" anything wrong this week!

I did not tape my son's light blocking curtain to the frame of his window so he couldn't see that the sun came up already on Sunday. I did not do this because he has been getting up at 6 am and coming in our room telling us that "the light's back on!" expecting me to hop right up and greet the morning cheerfully. Oh, I also did not put a towel in front of his door so the light wouldn't get in from under his door. I would never trick my kids like that! Not me! Oh, he slept until almost 8 and I still don't know why because it wasn't because of anything I did!

I did not forget to give my mom her Mother's Day card while she was in town last week. I also did not forget to mail it to her so she would actually get it at her house for Mother's Day. I especially did not let my son pour milk all over it and ruin it because I cannot replace it because it's after Mother's Day and no one is selling Mother's Day cards! Definitely not me! I'm a good daughter and I NEVER forget to mail cards in time to be received before the big day!

I am not completely out of tissues. (Did you read last week's post about my last 4 tissues?) I have not been out of tissues all week long. I have not been using toilet paper. Not me!

I am not addicted to garage sales! My husband and I have not been garage sale-ing with the kids the last 3 weekends and I'm not excited about coming weeks garage sales! I am a hip, chic mom who would never do anything like buy my 3 year old son a bag of underwear at a garage sale (it was 10 pairs for $2!). Oh, and I am not planning on washing said underwear in color safe bleach 2 times before he wears them. Nope, not me. I would never do such things!

I do not want to smack myself for putting a Veggie Tales CD in my van and letting my son listen to it! He does not whine and cry and scream every time I try to turn it off. I love that my son is listening to and singing along with good music about God and I would never want to hit the eject button, break the cd in half and throw it out the window while I'm traveling at 70 miles an hour! (Oh yeah, and I never speed either, read that as 65 miles an hour. . .)

I'm still not procrastinating on doing my Kroger match-ups for this week. I am a devoted blogger and I always do everything in a timely manner. Just because I think the sales are pathetic this week at Kroger does not mean that I refuse to do my post! Not me!

Happy Savings!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


I did not by a Sit-N-Stand Stroller at a yard sale for the second week in a row! Why would anyone need 2 Sit-N-Stand Strollers? Even if I knew I could sell the first one I bought at my yard sale at the end of the month and probably make a few bucks because I got it so cheap, no one would by I second Sit-N-Stand Stroller.


I did not let my son have chicken nuggets for breakfast on Tuesday because I just didn't feel like arguing with him about which foods fit into the breakfast category and which foods did not. It didn't happen. My family only eats healthy, nourishing BREAKFAST foods for breakfast.


I did not tell my son that we were out of tissues after his fake sneeze so that I could keep the remaining 4 tissues for myself and my real sneezes. I would never lie to my son or deny him a tissue, even if my nose really was running and we only had the nice tissues with lotion and my nose was hurting and, I repeat, we only had 4 tissues left in the house. Not me! I love my son too much for that.


I do not tell my son that the TV is asleep when I can't stand to watch one more episode of whatever his cartoon of choice is that day. I did not go on to tell him elaborate stories about how tired the TV is and that it needs to sleep or it won't work the next time we want to watch a show. I would never lie to my son like that and while we're on the subject, he never even asks to watch TV because we do not watch TV in our house. He doesn't even know what the current cartoons are because he so very rarely watches them.


This has been my first attempt at Not Me! Monday. Stay tuned in the weeks to come to find out what I did not do, because I always post everything in a timely manor and NEVER forget to do things like write my Not Me! Monday posts! Not me!


Happy Savings!